First things first. Contrary to popular belief, I am not Mindy Kaling. I just get compared to her so often that I sometimes become confused. Since I’m confessing my true identity, I should apologize to the barista who asked for my autograph yesterday: sorry, but you’ve got a fake on your hands. (Okay, the very last part is an exaggeration; I admitted to not being Mindy as soon as the autograph request was made).
But being repeatedly mistaken for a celebrity starts to make you feel responsible for the weird shit they do. And so, on behalf of Mindy, I would like to apologize for this week’s Mindy Project. I am sorry for the litany of rape clichés I decided to package as the episode, “I Slipped.” (I am also sorry for that other episode last year where the rape of James Franco’s character was part of the joke.) Also, while I’m doing the preliminaries: spoiler alert and TRIGGER WARNING, because I’m about to make a list of rape myths.
Here’s the premise of the episode: Danny has “accidental” nonconsensual sex with Mindy. Making sure to leave (almost) no rape myth unturned, my doppelganger then proceeds to suggest all of the following:
- If you experience unwanted sexual activity, it must be because you’re that kind of girl. About five minutes into the episode, Danny tells Mindy this was okay because he assumes she has done it with “a long list of companions.”
- If you experience unwanted sexual activity, it must be because you aren’t doing a good enough job pleasing your partner. In fact, if you experience unwanted sexual activity, the best thing for you to do is probably to get a really bro-ey bro to teach you what women in porn do. The lesson will be especially informative if you get a doctor in a lab coat to act out the positions with a skeleton.
- If there’s a specific sexual act you don’t want to engage in, it’s probably because you’re not fun enough. (Though I guess Mindy tried to at least poke fun at this one by pointing out that the porn requirements are potentially injurious. Yes, that skeleton’s hip was supposed to pop out, guys. And Mindy wants to do all of this for “empowering feminist reasons.”)
- Women really want deep down to engage in sexual activities they do not overtly consent to. In fact, if a woman is drugged or drunk, it may be because she is trying to license herself to let loose. Mindy actually roofies herself in hopes of becoming more responsive to Danny’s desires. Yes, this is a thing that happens in this episode.
- Getting your partner to engage in unwanted sexual activity is a sign of your masculinity. When you don’t want to apologize, you should wink at unknown men and hope that they’ll cover for you. Also, pushing someone’s sexual boundaries is an act of bravery, because, well, “America was built on trying.”
So, ew. And also, while I’m in the process of apologizing for things I didn’t really do, I’d like to apologize for the fact that the only thing Jezebel had to say about this episode was “it’s about buttsex.” Jezebel, I’ve been wanting to break up with you for a long time—this may be the last straw. As for you Mindy, please try to be funnier and less rapey next time. Think of those of us who have to suffer through being mistaken for you.